junir hi skool
by ZeroSoul
Summary: The world cringes in fear of the impending doom when Zim and company attend junior high skool. chapter 6 is up
1. junir hi skool

_I find Invader Zim fanfiction very difficult to write for at least two reasons – Invader Zim is better presented visually than written, but someone has requested I do a written form of my doujinshi (go to my deviantart site in my profile for the doujinshi, if you wish to view it so) and…yeah, I don't own Invader Zim but if I did…I wouldn't be doing this. _

* * *

**junir hi skool; one – "junir hi skool" **

"Gaz, what do you think happened to Zim? I mean, it's been at least two years and I haven't seen him,"

"Why do you insist on talking to me?"

"Do you think he went back to this home planet or something?"

"I think you should let me play my game in peace before I hurt you,"

"I haven't seen Tak either…"

"Dib, two things: one, they probably moved away or some shit and two: _shut up already!_"

"You know, you were far less bitchy before,"

"I blame PMS,"

* * *

The school building was shabby – even shabbier than the school they had previously attended – but this was more blatant than before. The walls looked like they were rotting and the building structure itself seemed more – would the proper word be imbalance? Yes, that was probably it. – as if the walls on one side were taller than the other. Not to mention the gigantic sign plastered onto the building, stating thus: 

JUNIR HI SKOOL

Now, at seeing this sign and the shabbiness of the building, something strange occurred in Dib's abnormally large head – all through his elementary school life, he hadn't noticed until now that the sign's "school" had been spelled "skool" and no one had mentioned it to him – not the students, not the teachers, or not even his sister or father. And the other odd thing was that he didn't even seem to notice it until now either!

"What idiot makes these signs?" Dib asked Gaz.

"It's public school," came the reply, "What do you expect?"

This was the only answer given to him and it made perfect sense (or at least it did at the moment). So, the two entered the building. It was at least ten minuets before the actual school day began, so they had plenty of time to look around. Since this was a new school, Dib stayed close by Gaz. Gaz, as usual, pretended he didn't exist.

"The good thing about junior high school," Dib said, "is at least we don't have Ms. Bitters anymore. She was a complete bitch,"

"Why must you talk?" Gaz asked him. She was busy playing her Game Slave 3.5, the newest model.

Years had past since elementary school. Din being 15 now and Gaz being 14. There were certain advantages to being older – he could swear, he could be rude, he could let his room be as messy as he wanted, and (best of all) he could be rebellious against his father and he was enjoying every single minuet of his adolescent. Gaz, who preferred to not talk to her older brother as much as possible, chose to not speak about her point of view about her current teen hood. Dib could only decipher that she had become slightly more bitchy than before, which he had logically blamed on PMS.

"This going to be great!" Dib said. He could barely contain his excitement and couldn't help but express it vocally even though it would be strange since he was talking to himself in public, "But it would be even better if..."

Dib suddenly stopped speaking, even before Gaz would tell him to be quiet. He saw through the corner of his eye a shapely female figure – purple violet hair, a male under the eyes, wearing a purple and blue candy striper dress, with multiple ear piercing, and dark purple-but-almost-close-to-black lipstick. And there she was in all her feminine splendor – standing nearby the locker row in the hallway.

"Tak!" Dib breathed.

The young woman looked up at Dib and gave him a single nod, showing that she was acknowledging his existence, "Hello, Dib human. Pleasant to see you," Her voice not warm or scorning him – but completely neutral. Just like Tak – the years hadn't changed her a bit.

Dib instantly rushed over to Tak, blood instantly rushing to his cheeks and giving them a rosy red coloring. Gaz, now curious that Tak was present in their school, went over as well (but not to be near her older brother because she was having anxiety about being a new school, of course).

"Tak!" Dib said. He couldn't help but smile at her, "I haven't seen you in a while! Where have you been?"

Tak blinked – not accustomed to Dib seeming so, oddly excited, about her presence. She then spoke to him, "It is nice to see you too, Dib. And I have been plotting to kill Zim,"

"That's funny," Gaz commented, "I heard Zim and you _fucked_,"

Tak paused, "…that's a lie,"

"Zim is here?" Dib asked.

"Of course he's here," Tak stated, "He's been following me everywhere,"

"_Where_? I didn't see him," Dib asked.

_"GREETING PITFUL HUMAN STINK BEASTS! YOUR FUTURE LORD AND MASTER ZIM HAS ARRIVED!"_

"That would be him," Tak growled.

Of course it was Zim – being his usual narcissistic self – parading down the hallway and as usual announcing his arrival to the masses (who he just knew adored him and worshipped his feet, or soon would when he ruled the dirt planet with an iron fist).

Dib looked towards the end of the hallway and felt his jaw unhinge himself as he looked at Zim. He was still sporting olive skin and black hair – if not a little bit longer and close to resting on his shoulders – but he was so _abnormally tall!_ Dib knew he had shot up a little over the summer and due to puberty and he was tall as well but Zim was inhumanely tall. He had to be at least six feet something. He practically towered over Dib.

"Hello, Zim! I see you've gotten abnormally tall!" Dib said to Zim, with a smirk.

Zim looked down at Dib – smirking as well, displaying off that his teeth now seemed to be sharp points, "And I see, Dib, that your head is still abnormally _large_!"

Dib made a face. He knew his head-and-body size was still out of proportion, even with the growth spurt he had. He ground his teeth, "…you win _this_ round, Zim,"

Zim then turned his attention towards Tak, who had been previously trying to sneak away from him while he was talking with Dib, "And I see my sweet female, _Tak_, is present!" Zim put his arm around Tak. "How about a kiss for your future lord and master?"

A few seconds later, Tak hit Zim in his eye. Zim let out a stream of curses in Irken (which will not be translated into English for the sake of the children).

"_Ouch_!" Dib said to Tak, "Remind me to never get on your bad side!"

"You won't need a reminder," Tak answered coolly.

The bell rang and the first class Dib had to report to was History 101. His teacher was a bent over man, probably around the age of 60 or so, with a bald head, tiny glasses, and a lobotomy scar across his forehead. He was bent over the desk, looking at his classmates.

"Good day to you, class. I will be your History teacher, Mr. Bittersweet," said the teacher, "In this class, we will be studying the _long_ and _sad_ history of people trying to get along…also known as various _wars and blood feuds_,"

Dib was the only one in the class who was close to having a mental breakdown. _'It's Ms. Bitters reincarnated!' _Dib thought, sensing impending doom from the teacher and the History class.

Gaz was having her own troubles in Pre-Algebra with her teacher. she was a woman, in her mid-20s, with curly blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and freckles.

"Hi ya class! My name is Jennifer Honeywell and boy do I love teaching!" the woman proclaimed, "Now let's get down to business and talk about what I love the most – basic algebraic equations!"

'_My urge to kill is rising,' _Gaz thought.

Out of the two of them, Zim probably had the worst subject of all to deal with.

"Okay, you guys can drool or pay attention, I don't give a damn. My pay is so low I have to eat road kill," said the teacher, Mr. MacHale, "And welcome to Sex Ed – the main point of this class being so that you kids don't run around knocking each other up. Now, to start off, we're going to learn about the magical time known as 'puberty'. Puberty begins when…"

After hearing about ten minuets of the lecture about puberty, Zim threw up repeatedly.

The worst class for all three of them came before lunch.

"Okay," said the gym teacher, sighing, "we all know that physical education isn't really a class and nobody gives a rat's ass if you pass or not. But, as your teacher, I have but one question to ask you two: _why are you two not changed?_"

Zim and Dib were the only students who didn't bring gym bags.

"The cat ate my gym bag," Dib answered.

"Gym bag? What is this 'gym bag' you speak of?" Zim said, "I know of no 'gym bag'!"

Mr. Dunn sighed, "Okay, since it's the first day of school, I'll cut you two some slack. _Hit the benches!_"

So Dib and Zim were left to sit on the benches in the auditorium and watch everyone else play soccer. A silence went between the two for the first few minuets.

"Zim, did Tak and you really go at it?" Dib asked.

"_Of course!_" Zim said, "No female can resist _the charms of Zim!_"

A few seconds later, a soccer ball collided with Zim's face. While Zim was cursing again in Irken and Dib was laughing, enjoying the alien's pain, the bell rang.

"Okay, class is over! Everybody hit the showers and I'll see you here tomorrow!" Mr. Dunn said, "Dib! Zim! Pick up the equipment and mop up that blood over there!"

At this moment, Dib and Zim both found something they could hate – the gym teacher and the class.

* * *

Lunch, as the sign outside the cafeteriahad dictated, was something called "spamiches and cheese". Dib sat next to Tak and looked at the lunch placed on their tray by the lunch ladies. It appeared to him to be a square grey-pink blob of something, except that his blob had a chicken foot and a beak sticking out of it. Tak's grey-pink blob appeared to have an eye and chicken feathers. 

"My meat product appears contains what appears to be a human eye and bird feathers," Tak said to Dib.

"Mine has a foot and a beak. Wanna trade?" Dib asked. He then changed the subject, "So, Tak…what are you doing after school?"

Tak sighed and tried to find an excuse but couldn't formulate one at the moment. She sighed again and looked at Dib, "Dib, how can I explain this to you so that your simple human brain can grasp it? I don't…look like…this…normally. We are far too different to actually be compatible. And anyways…"

"TAK!"

Tak groaned, "Oh shit…_Zim_…"

Zim took his rightful seat next to Tak, snuffling right next to her as if he was her lap dog, "So my sweet Tak, I assume you were lonely without Zim!"

A few seconds later, Zim found Tak's spamich crammed down his wind pipe. Zim made hacking noises as his air passage was blocked.

Tak then continued on her conversation with Dib, "I'm sorry about your human feelings, Dib, but our relationship would not work out in the end,"

Dib did his very best to not let the actual hurt of what Tak had said show up on his face.

"What do you think about all those rumors running around?"

Gaz looked at Dib, but said nothing about it. They were walking home from school.

"I mean," Dib said, speaking to Gaz, "you don't think they're true, do you? I mean, Tak and Zim _hate_ each other and Zim's way too self centered to really think about anyone else. It would be beyond weird if they just suddenly –"

"You noticed that Tak didn't say 'no' right away, right?" Gaz said, cutting him off.

"What?" Dib said.

Gaz looked at him, "Back in the hallway, when I asked her about the rumor, she didn't say 'no' right away. She paused and then she said 'no',"

Dib shrugged, "Yeah, so?"

"And you noticed how Zim is following Tak around?" Gaz said, "All rumors come from somewhere,"

Gaz then continued walking away from Dib, not saying anymore on the subject. What Gaz had stated remained stuck in Din's head for the remainder of the day. He sat up in his room, trying to read the assigned pages in his thick History book but found he couldn't. It was too hot. The temperature had suddenly shot up after lunch time and continued on through the day. He was sweating even though he was wearing only some shorts and a T-shirt.

"It's too fucking hot!" Dib growled out loud, flinging the book on the ground, "It's freaking September! I'm sweating like _crazy_! What's _up_ with this heat wave? The polar ice caps are going to _melt_ at this rate!"

Still, he couldn't help but think about Tak.

'_I hope she's okay,' _Dib thought, _'Rumors can really do bad things to your self esteem,' _

Dib, being the target of bullying throughout his previous childhood, had a good knowledge about this.

Tak had been occupying the abandoned Dee-Lishus Weenie Factory on the edge of town. She was sweating as well. Even though the sun had decided to set, the heat had not gone away. Tak sat on one of the crates had had one contained weenies and typed on her laptop. Her sweating had been so bad that the liquid had short circuited her hologram of her human disguise and she had to turn it off for a little while so that she could fix it later.

'_This heat is unbearable! How can humans stand to live in his unpredictable weather?' _Tak thought. Her olive skin was glistened with sweat, _'Not even the planet Krake-6 was this hot in the summer and that planet has three suns! I have to find out the cause of this heat wave or…huh?' _

Tak looked at the solar system layout beamed down to her from one of her satellites in space. On the map, a beeping red icon was seen coming towards the planet Earth. _'It has to be a ship,' _Tak thought. She clicked onto the icon to get the ship details and gasped at what she had found. _'Not only is it an alien ship,' _Tak thought, _'But it's a Kri ship. I thought they were extinct,' _

Tak studied the details of the ship given to her by her computer and sat back in thought after learning all of this.

'_The ship is using a plasma drive – the same stuff that powers the sun,' _Tak thought, _'That would explain the heat wave, but it doesn't explain why a Kri ship is in this system, or why it's even headed towards this planet. And didn't the Kri race die out 50 years ago?' _

* * *

"insert random stupid comment here" – Zerosoul 


	2. science project of the doomed

_For those of you who have read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee, there are several references throughout this fic. If you spot them, you shall receive a piggy.- ZeroSoul_

* * *

**junir hi skool; two – "science project of the doomed" **

The day was Tuesday. The time was 10:38 am. The class was Chemistry. Everything seemed average enough but Dib had no idea the type of horrible, awful, hate he was to be destined for the next 168 hours or so. Everything was innocent until the Chemistry teacher, Ms. Gwish, made the dreaded announcement during class.

"Students! The Board of Education will be visiting this school for the next seven days so to make it look like you're actually learning something, each of you will be paired up for science projects of your choice to be presented in the auditorium next Monday!" Ms. Gwish announced, "The good news is that there will be no homework and you won't have to attend class since you'll be working on your projects!"

The students rejoiced at this point.

Ms. Gwish then added, "But the bad news is that I'll be choosing your partners for each and everyone one of you! Yeah, me! The teacher! And the partners that I pick for you will fill your lives with misery and woe! MISERY AND WOE!"

At this point, Ms. Gwish broke into a evil laughter that filled the room and silenced the students. They were all used to this since she did it often. After laughing evilly at her student's future misery, Ms. Gwish then corrected herself into proper teacher speech and then pulled out a list hidden in her wooden desk.

"I shall be calling out the pairs now so pay attention!" Ms. Gwish said, "Gaz, you're with Smolga. Chunk, you're with Alex. Aki, you're with Tak. Penny you're with Smeedge. Dib you're with…" Ms. Gwish looked at the list at this point. "Zip? Zik? Zira?Xena?Damnit I can't read my own handwriting! Oh, _here _we go!" She pointed towards a student. "You're with that green kid with no ears over there. You know, the one you stare at constantly,"

It took at least five seconds for Dib's brain to process what Ms. Gwish had actually said. When it had sunk in, Dib felt his pupils shrink and his heart skip a beat.

"WHAT?" Dib yelled. He rushed over to Ms. Gwish's desk, "Ms. Gwish, you can't let me _Zim_ as my partner!"

"Now, now, Dib," Ms. Gwish said, "I understand how you feel,"

"You do?" Dib asked.

"Yes, I too was once a goth," Ms. Gwish answered.

"A goth? I'm not a goth!" Dib said.

"It's okay to be in denial about it, Dib," Ms. Gwish said, patting him on the shoulder, "I remember what it was like…oh yes I do…" She then cackled evilly, his eye twitching as she spoke in a voice growing slowly more and more creepy. "Yes, yeeeeesssshhhh, I remember the ancient sacrifices to the heathen gods in the graveyard on Halloween night and speaking to my dark lord and master Satan and him telling me…" She then coughed and corrected herself – her voice normal again. "But I eventually grew out of all that death, blood, and vampire fun for a more suitable and moral career and the moral of this story is to never sacrifice your brother's cat because he'll call the police and then your boyfriend and you will have to spend the entire night in the city jail while he gets a human booster shot from a guy named Molly,"

Dib could only blink at this.

"But what does that have to do with _my_ problem?" Dib asked.

"Your problems? _Your problems?_ I'm thirty-eight and I haven't had a date in twenty years! I still live with my pet ferret at a stupid apartment! I'm unfulfilled in my life! I wish I had killed myself years ago!" Ms. Gwish said. She then held her head, "Oh no…oh no, it's happening again! I'm spiraling! _SPIRALLING! _"

Ms. Gwish then foamed at the mouth and collapsed onto the ground, twitching as she laid there. An awkward silence filled the room.

"Nice going, Dib human," Zim said eventually, "you _broke_ the teacher,"

* * *

Ms. Gwish had to be sent to the 'Home for Broken Head Meats Sanitarium' down the street from the school, so Dib wasn't able to talk to her about getting a different partner. He felt horribly irritated at the idea of having to go over Zim's and (he shuddered at his) have to work on some sort of project for science. Since there was no one else around who would listen to what he would say (his fellow classmates still believed he was still crazy just like he was in middle school), he decided to talk to the only person nearby whether they listened or not – Gaz.

"Can you believe the indignity of it all?" Dib said to Gaz at lunchtime.

"I can't believe that after all these years you still insist on speaking to me," Gaz answered.

"And what the hell are they feeding us?" Dib said as he looked at the food on his tray. The cafeteria board dictated it was 'soy lump with peas' day. Dib poked his lump with a fork and heard a low growling noise from it. He then decided to go hungry, "I swear, it's as the whole world wants me to die of starvation or food poisoning! It was like this is eighth grade too!"

Gaz wasn't truly paying him any mind. She continued playing on her Game Slave 3.5.

"You're lucky, Gaz," Dib said, "at least you didn't get paired up with your worst nemesis. Now I'm supposed to go over his house and try and work with that stupid alien!"

Gaz looked at Dib, "I am only a level away from the super secret ending and this game has deprived me of sleep, so I either get to this level or you will face the type of _pain_ that only Satan dishes out,"

Dib paused, "…Gaz – at the risk of being injured horribly by you that I can only imagine will hurt in most godawful way – can I ask you a question? As long as I can remember, you're always been mean to me. Why?"

Gaz smirked, "I learned from the best,"

Dib looked at her with a smile, "Who? Mom?"

It seemed Dib had inadvertently struck a nerve in Gaz's mind. She turned on him with a malicious look her in eyes. It only took Gaz a few seconds to take her own soy lump and shove it down Dib's throat.

"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MOM WITH YOUR SHIT EATING MAGGOT FILLED MOUTH!" Gaz screamed at Dib as she stuffed the soy lump down his throat. She then stormed out of the cafeteria and left Dib to choke as he attempted to breathe.

While Dib choked almost close to death, Zim happened to enter in on the scene. He rarely came into the cafeteria but he was looking for someone.

"Dib human! Have you seen that my Irken female around here?" Zim asked Dib. Dib couldn't truly reply since he was choking, "I saw her just this minuet and Zim's eyes don't play tricks on him! She must be using some sort of cloaking device so that I don't recognize her! Oh, _she's more attractive_ when she plays hard to get…"

Dib choked and looked at Zim. He was getting blue in the face, "…help…meeeeeee…"

Zim looked at Dib, "Foolish puny brained human! You can't speak with food in your mouth like _that_!"

At this point, Zim took it upon himself to whack Dib in the back of his head so that the soy lump came out of his mouth. Dib was relieved that he could now breathe normally again.

"…thank…you…" Dib choked.

"Oh, there's Tak!" Zim said. He then called over to Tak, "I see you trying to blend in with the cafeteria wall, Tak!"

Tak – who had been using her cloaking device to hide – broke into a run. Zim instantly chased after her. Dib was left to recover from choking on the cafeteria floor.

* * *

There it was – the house he had spied on for so long but not actually gone up to or explored except for those rare moments. Dib stood in front of the door of Zim's house. _'Well, it's now or never,' _Dib thought as he knocked on the door. The door opened and instantly a tiny green dog clamped onto Dib's head.

"TAQUITOS!" it screamed, "YO QUIERO TAQUITOS!"

"Get this fucking _off_ me! I can't BREATHE!" Dib screamed in a panic, flailing his arms as he was blinded by the dog latched onto his head.

"_Gir_! How many times have I told you to not attack the stinking humans or their large heads!" said a voice. The dog instantly got off of Dib's face and went nearby its owner. Dib looked up to see it was Zim – covered it burns and applying bandages and salve to them, "Oh it's _you_, Dib monkey! What do you _want_? Can't you see I'm _busy_ taking care of these barbecue sauce burns Tak gave me?"

"We have a science project to do, _remember_?" Dib said.

"Huh?" Zim asked, "What science project? I KNOW OF NO SCIENCE PROJECT!"

"_Listen_!" Dib yelled, "We have to do a science project – you know that project for Chemistry that the teacher told us about before her nervous breakdown-"

"Oh yes! The teacher monster you broke! Zim remembers now!"

"I didn't _break_ her! She broke herself!"

"Well I still don't' see why I should help you with this science project you speak of!"

Dib sighed, "It's our science project and if we don't do it we're going to fail!"

"What does that mean to me?"

Dib then realized that this really didn't mean anything to Zim since he was an alien and had no plains of attending college or any sort of future career. Dib then sighed, "Okay…umm…if you help me with the project...I'll like…uh.." An idea popped into his head. "I'll tell you where Tak constantly hides from you,"

Zim instantly agreed to this idea.

* * *

"Now don't touch anything! I don't know where your filthy hands have been!" Zim said to Dib.

"_This_ is your lab?" Dib asked.

"Of course it's my lab! We can't possibly expect to work in your lab! Smeets play with your human technology as _toys_!" Zim proclaimed. He then tossed some rubber gloves at Dib, "Now put these on! I don't want your germs to contaminate anything!"

They had arrived in the lower depths of Zim's base in a large area filled with all sorts of Irken technology.

"What about if we do a volcano?" Dib suggested as he put on the gloves, "It's pretty easy to do,"

"Volcanoes are for worm babies and maniacs!" Zim proclaimed, "We're going to bring in my weasel experiment! Computer, summon the weasels!" Instantly, a large pile of weasels fell onto the laboratory floor from the ceiling. "Not what I had in mind, but okay!"

Dib looked at the weasels, "What are you doing with–DEAR SWEET TAP DANCING JESUS, MY HEAD!"

At this moment, a weasel with mechanical implants in it's body attacked Dib's large head. Dib screamed in a panic.

"Get it off! _Get if off! **Get if off!**_ FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT GET OFF ME!" Dib screamed.

"Oh relax, Dib human!" Zim answered, "It's not as if the weasel is going to eat your _brain_!" He then went over to the weasel cages. "Now, which weasel to chose…"

Dib finally ripped the weasel off of his face and slammed it down into the ground, "That's the second time something's attached itself to my head! Zim, no fucking _weasels_ – or anything else that would attack me!"

"Oh, fine, you wussy human," Zim sighed, "Computer, get rid of the weasels!"

A hole opened in the ground and the weasels fell down it.

"Let's just make something," Dib sighed, "and something that bite or scratch hopefully,"

And so the days of toil of work began from that point as Zim and Dib argued, fought, bickering childishly, and then finally agreed and started to work on a science project only to eventually start bickering and fighting about things all over again.

* * *

Dib was coming home late. He was exhausted, it was Sunday night, and Zim and him had been spending the past few days on their project and they were both tired. Gaz was inside of the house watching TV in a tank top and some shorts. The heat wave was still going on, but it was slowly starting to cool down.

"You're home late," Gaz said.

"I know, I know," Dib answered. All he wanted to do was go and lay down.

"You and Zim have been working on this science project all week long," Gaz continued, "What is it?"

Dib smirked, "You'll see Monday…"

"Why is it when you say that I feel a chill down my spine?"

* * *

The day was Monday. The time was 8:24 am. The place was the school auditorium. Gaz and Tak had already presented their science projects but Zim and Dib were yet to arrive. Gaz had already shown the board of education her demonstration on the results of what happens when you remove a cheerleader's legs and Tak's demonstration on when you tape a jock's mouth shut.

"It's pretty quiet around without Dib or Zim," Gaz said to Tak.

"Where are they?" Tak asked.

"PITIFUL FUTURE SLAVES OF EARTH!"

"There they are," Gaz sighed.

"And I was just getting used to the quiet," Tak sighed, "Oh well,"

Zim stood on top of a large crate while Dib wheeled it from below. Zim jumped down from the top it. The members of the board of education crowded around the box.

"It's a _box_!" gasped one of them.

"Why…this could revolutionize the world and bring us into a new era of technology!" said another, "Congratulations, young men!"

Dib and Zim looked at each other.

"It's not the box," Dib said.

"Then what is it?" asked another board member.

"BEHOLD!" Zim said. He pulled out a remote control and pressed a bright red button on it.

The walls of the box fell open and everyone around them screamed in terror. Even Dib was shocked at what had come out of the box.

"Zim! What the hell is that thing?" Dib yelled, "I thought we agreed on doing a robot moose!"

"It is! I just…tweaked it a little," Zim answered.

Large tentacles reached from inside of the box and grabbed nearby students and then dragged them in. Their terrified screams were heard as blood come spurting up from it.

"Zim, I don't know about you…" Dib began, "but…_THAT'S_ _NO_ _FUCKING_ _MOOSE_!"

The creature let out a roar and now that it had tasted fresh human blood, it craved even more. It roared and began to bury itself under the auditorium floor, taking more people into its tentacles as it went down below – leaving a gaping hole in the floor. Dib and Zim looked over the edge of the hole.

"We _so_ failed this project," Dib sighed.

"Oh the humanity! OH THE HUMANITY!" yelled one of the board members as it looked at all the blood everywhere.

"This school should be closed down!" said another board member.

"Now, now, gentlemen," said one board member, "I think this monster can serve some sort of purpose for this school..."

* * *

"…so, basically, whatever are caught skipping class they get fed to the ground monster," Dib explained to his father.

They were all sitting down to dinner like a sub-normal family – Dib, Gaz, and Professor Membrane.

"That's very nice son," Professor Membrane answered, "And what is the little creature's name?"

"We've decided to call it Pedro," Dib answered, "but the good news is that I passed the science project. The bad news is that if we don't have enough delinquents to feed the monster, it goes crazy and kills us all,"

"That's nice son," Professor Membrane answered.

Dib made a face – sensing his father really wasn't paying attention to what he was saying, "…and then we flew off to Mars and told the aliens to go screw themselves only after blowing up the planet Krypton because they were plotting to take our Lucky Charms,"

"That's nice son," Professor Membrane answered.

Dib growled in reply.

"What kind of thing was it though?" Gaz asked.

"It was supposed to be a robot moose – part moose, ninety-five percent robot!" Dib said, "But then Zim did something – I don't know what – and it turned to be _that_ thing,"

"So what is it now?"

Dib shrugged, "Whatever it is…it's no moose. I guess it's Pedro,"

"And just when I thought you couldn't screw up the school any worse, you manage to ascend a new plane of destruction," Gaz sighed.

"It's not fault!"

"Whatever. You're both idiots,"

* * *

_Shameless advertising plug: you know what you all should do? You should go to and look at my stories because they're filled with insanity. You know you love insanity, or you most likely wouldn't like Invader Zim. – Zerosoul _


	3. double the nightmare

_JTHM and Squee references from chapter two: 1.Mrs. Gwish and Anne Gwish from JTHM 2.Home for Broken Head Meats Sanitarium (Squee) 3.Moose monster and Wall monster from JTHM - ZeroSoul_

* * *

**junir hi skool; three- "double the nightmare" **

"Dib, you have been a royal pain in my ass for the past few hours. I am going to permit you five minuets of my precious time so that you may speak. If you are not done by then you shall suffer my _wrath_,"

"Gaz, All I want to know is why you tried to kill me when I mentioned Mom,"

"With that gigantic head of yours you'd figure there'd be a _brain_ in there,"

"_My head's not big!" _

"Your head is bigger than big. No wonder Mom almost died when you were born,"

"WHAT?"

"…um...I didn't say anything…"

* * *

While getting ready for the second day of school ahead, Dib spent his time pondering the nature of his crush towards Tak. He knew, of course, that she wasn't really human – but an Irken alien invader planning on taking over the Earth, which he had been sworn to protect – but what was so alluring, so interesting about her? Could it be her advanced knowledge of technology, her cool and calm nature, or that she was the only female in his life that never called him "crazy", "insane", "wacky" or "just plain freaky"? Although her nature towards Dib was as neutral as possible between an alien and a human being, Dib couldn't help but slowly grow curious about her.

Sure, he was a young man bent on dissecting aliens as a future career and sure, she was an alien female hailing from the Planet Irk with the plans of conquering planet Earth and pummeling Zim into a bloody pulp but this was teen love and compatibility in the future wasn't necessary (or at least in Dib's eyes).

So, being the lovesick, hormone filled, puppy human Dib currently was, he decided to, once again, give another futile attempt to make Tak realize how he felt – by giving her a present.

"Here, Tak, this is for you,"

It seemed simple enough to give, but the question was about how she was going to actually react to receiving a gift.

Tak studied the present for a few moments. There were plenty of things she could say in reply but they most likely were not appropriate for a school hallway. After a few moments of awkwardness, she could think of something to say in reply.

"What is it?" Tak asked.

"It's a Venus fly trap," Dib said, "They eat bugs and stuff,"

Tak looked at it again, "It has very small teeth."

"Yeah, that's for eating bugs,"

An awkward silence came between the two.

"Dib, I really…I don't…" Tak began. She then sighed, seeing how this whole situation was becoming more and more complicated, "…the thing is that I–"

"_TAK!" _

Tak groaned, "Oh no, not _Zim_.."

To Tak's annoyance, it was Zim – who had once again decided to make his appearance in her life. He put his arm around Tak (which now seemed to be the latest thing for him) with a smile.

"I see you're still here pretending to ignore me, Tak!" Zim said, smiling at the Irken female, "How about a kiss?"

A few seconds later, Zim found a Venus flytrap plant lodged into his left eye. While Zim was screaming in pain in the background, Tak turned to look at Dib.

"Dib, I really appreciate your attempts to make me…feel about me as you do but it really is futile," Tak said, "We are not compatible. We're far too different for it to work out in the end,"

"Oh come on, Tak!" Dib said, "We're young! We've got out whole lives ahead of ourselves! Why not at least try it out?"

Tak sighed and was about to reply when the bell rang. Dib saw on her face that she was still unwilling to see his point of view.

The first class of the day was, unfortunately, history with Mr. Bittersweet.

"Class, because The Board of Education has decided that our school isn't overcrowded enough, we are introducing two new students into each grade," Mr. Bittersweet,

Two girls stood in front of the room. They were twins – except a few differences between them. One had blue hair, red eyes, and wore a long dress with a blue spade on it. The other had red hair, blue eyes, and wore a short skirt with a red heart on it. The blue haired one had a bun and pigtail on the left side of her head and the red haired one had a bun and a pigtail on the right side of her head.

"Class, meet your new classmates that will plague your lives," Mr. Bittersweet said.

"Guten tag!" said the blue haired girl, "I am Lin und this is my sister Rin!"

"Yes, I am Rin und this is my sister Lin!" said the red haired girl.

"Ve are tvins from Germany!" the both of them said at the same time.

A silence filled the room after the two German girls spoke.

'_Looks like I'm going to have more preps to kill,' _Gaz thought.

'_What's a Germany?' _Tak thought.

'_Holy freakin' mother of **Christ**! What's that godawful smell?' _Dib thought.

A strange smell had filled the air as soon as Lin and Rin had entered. It smelled somethin of rotten sweetly smelling flowers or a once fresh babbling brook filled now with toxic waste or a nice smelling raccoon run over by an SUV on a dirt road nearby a sanitation plant. The smell was thick and seemed to fill up the entire room. Dib then realized that the smell was coming from Lin and Rin.

'_What kind of perfume are they wearing?' _Dib thought, _'I've smelled some rancid stuff in my lfe but this one takes the cake!' _

'_What's that heavenly scent coming from?' _Zim thought.

While the current smell in the room repulsed everyone else, Zim was the only one who seemed enticed and interested by it, maybe even aroused. And the two human girls in the front of the classroom with the smell wafting from them seemed to know this and maybe even more as they gave Zim a sly wink. Zim's mind was so clouded by the mellowing scent that he didn't even notice.

"Why don't you take your seats somewhere so I can talk about the homework assignment I'm assured no one did," Mr. Bittersweet said.

Lin and Rin took their seats in the back of the classroom. The thick scent still hung in the air and Zim was left in a daze until Dib (as usual) threw something at the back of his head and knocked him out of it.

* * *

The cafeteria lunch was supposedly chicken ala king – which was dishuised as a green and light brown lump of an unknown food substance. Dib stared at his food. He was seated at a table with Gaz, Tak, and Zim. His lump seemed to have various colored hair sticking out of it.

"My chicken ala king has eyes," Gaz said.

"My chicken ala king is hairy," Dib said.

"Foolish human!" Zim said, "Everyone knows your chicken monsters don't have hair! They have feathers!"

"Either or, I'm not eating this shit," Dib said as he pushed away the tray, "What is the school trying to do? Kill us?"

"It's probably take care of that whole overcrowding problem," Gaz said.

"Hallo!" Lin suddenly said.

"Where did you come from?" Tak asked as Lin and Rin seemed to suddenly appear out of nowhere and at their table.

"Ve come from that class! Vat do you call it again, sister?" Rin said.

"It called Math!" Lin answered.

"Yes, ve come from Math calss," Rin said to Tak.

Dib choked as that familiar sweetly rotting smell came into the air. He choked as it seemed to even overpower the oxygen in the room and even a few people in the cafeteria seemed to pass out. Zim felt his eyes seem to roll into the back of his head as the scent clouded his mind and seemed to fill up the entire room.

"God!" Gaz breathed as she covered her nose and mouth. She then said to Lin and Rin, "No offense but you guys have a _serious_ case of BO!"

"Ve do not hae this 'b.o.' you speak of," Lin said.

"Yes. This is…_um_…our…perfume!" Rin quickly said.

"May ve sit at your table?" Lin asked.

"No! You guys smell!" Dib said.

"Ignore him!" Zim said, pushing Dib off the table and onto the ground, "You two humans smell oddly pleasant and should sit nex tot the powerful ZIM!"

Tak and Gaz groaned as Lin and Rin sat next to Zim.

"So," Tak said to Lin and Rin, "if that rancid smell you two are giving off is supposedly perfume, then why do you reek of alien phrenemones?"

Lin and Rin looked at each other in a somewhat panic.

"Alien phrenemones?" Lin asked.

"Vat do you mean your 'alien phrenemones?'" Rin asked.

"Ve do not know of such things," Lin said.

Tak narrowed her eyes at the two girls, "You smell like _aliens_. As in aliens from outer space. As in not from this planet,"

Lin and Rin looked at each other again.

"…ummm…" Lin began.

"Ve still do not know what you speak of!" Rin said.

"Okay then," Gaz said, "What part of Germany are you from?"

"…ummm…ummm…Switzerland?" Lin said.

Rin got up from the table, "Vell this has been a lovely visit but mine sister and me must surely be going!"

"Good bye!" Lin said and the two of them left.

As soon as they left, Dib got of the ground and took his seat back on the table.

"What the hell was that all about?" Dib said to Zim. He then realized Zim was in a daze, "Zim? _Zim_? Hello, Earth to Zim…" He looked at Gaz and Tak. "Whoa. Nobody's home,"

Tak leaned over towards Zim and looked into his eyes, "He seems to be under some sort of – what do you humans call it again? Oh yes. Hypnosis,"

"There's a way to cure that," Gaz said. She picked up her fork and shoved it into Zim's hand.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zim screamed as he held up his now bleeding hand, "MY HAND! MY BEAUTIFUL HAND! THE PAIN! THE HORRIBLE PAIN!"

"There. Problem solved," Gaz said.

"You know, we could have just snapped our fingers or something," Dib suggested as he watched Zim run around the cafeteria blind with pain.

"Yeah, but I've been wanting to do that for a while," Gaz answered.

* * *

Zim was still bandaged up the wound from earlier on the in day down in his laboratory. His hand was still smarting from pain.

"Stupid human female and her eating utensil…" Zim grumbled as he looked as his bandaged hand. The pain was still immense even though the wound had been inflicted hours ago. It was after school and he was down in his lab plotting his usual schemes. His latest scheme being how he was going to find Tak's base and sneak in.

_Ding dong. _

"Who could that be?" Zim said as he went over to a panel in the lab. On the panel was an image of Lin and Rin standing outside of the door waiting for him. _'That's odd,' _Zim thought, _'The gnomes should have destroyed any human filth that enter the base area. And how did they figure out where I live? And why do they keep following? And why…ah, let me just go see what they want,' _

Spider legs outstretcehd from his Pak and he climbed up through the twisted chambers to the top level of the base. Gir was busy watching television, as usual. Zim went to the door and opened it.

"Yes, yes, what do you two want?" Zim said, "I'm very busy and–"

Zim stopped as the thick scent suddenly came into the base area. It was almost as if a wave of water had knocked him back. His mind suddenly started to swim again. Gir didn't have such a pleasant reaction to the smell – a surge instantly went through his circuits and he was out like a light.

"How may I help you?" Zim asked the two in a friendly tone.

"Ve vant to come in," Rin said.

"Then come in, why don't you?" Zim said and let Lin and Rin enter the base.

Rin looked around the base and quickly took out a small camera and began taking pictures of different parts of the base.

Zim's mind suddenly came back to him, "HEY! What are you two doing–"

"Settle down," Lin said, "Sit down,"

Zim, as if he was a robot, sat down on the couch nearby. Lin the looked towards the small grey broken robot resting on the couch and took it into her arms. Lin then looked towards Rin and exhcnaged some words in a language Zim couldn't understand. Rin shook her head in reply. Lin sighed and put the robot down. Rin then walked ove to Zim.

"Your is Zim right?" Rin asked Zim. Zim nodded, "Then vake up Zim,"

Zim snapped out his trance and then glared at Lin and Rin, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE! COMPUTER, DEFENSIVE MANUEVERS!"

A few seconds later, Lin and Rin were seen being tossed out of the front door of the house and into the pavement. The door slammed after that. Lin and Rin looked towards the house with distaste. They then exchanged some words in an unknown language and a few minuets later they were gone – not walked away but simply disappeared from the spot.

Up high on one of the buildings nearby Zim's house, someone watch them come and go.

Tak.

The sun was slowly starting to set. Tak sat on the roof of a house with her SIR robot Mimi by her side. She removed the goggles she had been using to spy on Zim with from her face and thought quietly to herself, _'Whoever those girls are – they're not average humans,' _

* * *

_And thus ends the third installment. Who are the strange girls? Why is Tak spying on Zim? Do German people really smell like that? Who knows! I surely don't. - ZeroSoul_


	4. love, war, and PAIN!

_Yes, I enjoy making my fanfics weird on many levels_. – ZeroSoul

* * *

**junir hi skool; four – "love, war, and PAIN!" **

Tak was having a good morning – the sky was bright, the birds weren't chirping, and she had just almost put the finishing details on her new parts for a hoverboard she was making. She was even humming a little bit as sparks flew through the air as welded two pieces of metal together. She was so busy being a good mood that she didn't even notice that someone had entered her base.

Tak's good mood melted away as soon as she felt something blow on her neck. She turned around and growled.

"ZIM!" Tak yelled.

Zim was dangling from the ceiling since his spider legs were attatched there.

"Hello, my dear Tak," Zim replied.

"Why do you _insist_ on bothering me?" Tak growled as she faced Zim. She folded her arms, "If I've told you once, I've told you twice to leave me alone!"

"I know you don't mean that," Zim said as he stepped onto the ground. He took one of Tak's antennae and stroked it, "I know how much you miss _Zim_,"

"And I honestly _don't_," Tak growled, as she took her antennae back from Zim, "It was only one time that it happened and that was because we thought we were _dying_!"

"But admit it, Tak," Zim said, "After all that time of scarring and injurying me day after day, you really were attracted to me and just seeking ym attention in your way,"

Tak grumbled. _'I'm surrounded by hormonally stressed males,' _Tak said. She then smiled at Zim and said, "Well, Zim, I do admit, there is one thing I do miss about you,"

"And what would that be?" Zim asked her, holding her close.

Tak pulled out a bottle of barbeque sauce.

"..um…Tak…what are you doing with that – AAAAAHHH! MY _SKIN_!" Zim said.

Tak, at this point, drenched Zim in barbeque sauce. A sizzling noise was heard as Zim's skin fizzled from the secret herbs and spices of the sauce. Tak Zim roll around on the floor, almost unconsious with extreme pain.

"I _do_ miss hearing you scream, dear," Tak said, smirking.

* * *

"Zimmy, vat has happened to your skin?" Lin asked.

"Ja, Zimmy, your skin is peeling!" Rin said.

"I got burned," Zim answered.

The enitre hallway was filled with the sweet rancid smell of the twin sisters so everyone else had cleared out except for Gaz (who had learned to not breathe around people) and Tak (who simply didn't care). Tak observed the sisters with scrutinizing eyes.

"You seem to be the smartest human around, Gaz," Tak said to Gaz.

"Can't you see I'm playing _Piggvania: Aria of Pigs_ right now?" Gaz said to Tak.

"I've been hoping you could help me find out who the hell these girls are," Tak said to Gaz.

"I'll help you if you be quiet," Gaz said.

"Good then!" Tak said. The cybernetic implant in her brain clicked and she mentally ran down a list placed inside of the mechanic memory, "We're going to need the following supplies…"

"Whoop de freakin' doo," Gaz replied.

* * *

In Chemistry class, everyone was in their seats when Ms. Gwish walked into the room. She looked the same as before but now she had a collar around her neck.

"Hello there class!" Ms. Gwish said, "I'm back from the Broken Head Meats Sanitarium! Now if I feel like going wacky again this collar here just gives me a nice electric shock! Okay, so let's get down to business. Today, we're going to have a lab about how to combine sodium and chloride to everyday salt!" She then pulled out a list. "Now let's see…Gaz, you're with Francine. Hanzhi you're with Speegly. Pokee you're with Tak. Trampoline, you're with Mephistopholina. Dib, you're with Gretchen. Oh, and since there's an odd number of people in the class, Zim you're with both Lin and Rin,"

Everyone got with their assigned partners and went to their own workstations in the room. The girl Dib was paired with Gretchen – constantly gave Dib a goofy smile. Her hair was purple with three ponytails, she wore thick Coke bottle frames, had large braces on her teeth (with a serious overbite to match), small golden earrings, and a simple shirt, and skirt.

Dib stared at the girl as she kept smiling at him.

"Remember me?" the girl said to Dib.

Dib put together the chloride solution and was prepared to introduce the sodium in a small beaker, "I don't recall,"

The girl frowned, "I was in your class at elementary school,"

Dib blinked.

"I gave you all that meat on Valentine's Day," the girl said.

Dib still blinked.

The girl sighed, "The other kids used to call me 'beaver tooth queen',"

Dib dropped the Beaker in sudden realization into the solution, "Oh my God! _Gretchen_!"

The girl smiled at Dib, showing her braces. Dib looked at her and realized that she was a pretty girl, far prettier than she was when they were just kids, but still pretty in a fairly nerdy manner. The chloride sizzled and began to smoke.

"Wow, it's been so long since I last saw you," Dib said, rubbing the back of his head, "How are you doing?"

"Oh..fine, " Gretchen answered, smiling. She blushed and looked away, "I always wondered when I'd see you again, Dib. I still remember the day I gave you all that meat,"

Dib felt his heart beat a mile a minuet, "Well, I was just a kid back then, Gretchen. I didn't really know how you felt,"

Gretchen smiled, "I know how I felt. And I still kinda feel it,"

Dib felt himself utter some sort of nervous giggle, "Yeah, I kinda know what you mean. Say, how about after school we–"

It was at this point that the solution exploded in Dib and Gretchen's face, giving Gretchen a regular coating and Dib an extra cispy one.

"Damn it, Dib!" Ms. Gwish said, "I come back for one whole day and you manage to screw it up! Sometimes I wish I could just–" At this point, her collar shocked her. "I mean…clean up the mess please,"

"Yes, Ms. Gwish," Dib said and he went to go get the broom.

While Dib was cleaning up the mess, the intercom suddenly spoke up, _"Ms. Gwish, can you please send your student – what's this thing say? Dit? Dig? Oh wait. Dib! Ms. Gwish, send your student Dib down to the principal's office. That'll be all,"_

Ms. Gwish looked at Dib, "You heard that woman the principal is having an affair with!"

"You mean the secretary?" Dib asked.

"Yeah, whatever. Just do as she says and leave," Ms. Gwish said.

Dib grumbled and left the room, to Gretchen's dissappointment.

* * *

Waiting inside of Principal Franken's office was agonizing. Not only was Dib sitting in the same area with bullies and class rejects, but he was still thinking about Gretchen.

'_I actually do remember that day she gave me all that meat,' _Dib thought, _'But I was too busy with Tak's sudden arrival that I dind't even notice it. She's probably the first person that actually gave me something that didn't cause me bodily harm in the end,'_ He paused. _'I should probably give up on Tak. She isn't interested in me and since Gretchen is…' _

"Dib," Principal Franken grunted as he walked into the room. He was a mongloid looking man – tall, heavy muscular build, a lobotomy scar on his head and bolts shoved into his neck complemented with green skin and a a habit of drooling and staring into nothing.

Dib entered Principal Franken's office. Inside of the office was a man standing next to Principal Franken's desk. It was a tall and skinny man, in a black suit and wearing dark shades with dark hair slicked back with a thick coat of grease. He had a briefcase in one hand.

"This man come here. He want to see you," Principal Franken grunted.

"Hello there, Dib," the man said as he walked over to Dib. He extended a hand, "My name is Sam. I have heard very much about your father. He is well known in my field of work. May I speak to you in private somewhere?"

Dib nodded, "Sure,"

Sam's "private place" was actually a stall in the boy's bathroom.

"So…why here?" Dib asked Sam.

Sam pulled something out of his jacket pocket and showed Dib a badge and ID picture and number. Dib's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates at the sight of it.

"Dib, my name is Agent SAM and I work for the Bureau of Alien Detectives," Sam said to Dib. Dib could barely breathe as soon as he heard the words from Sam's mouth, "I have been watching the alien activities in this city for quite a while and it's become some concern for the government right about now,"

"No way!" Dib breathed. _'Pinch me! I must be dreaming,' _Dib thought.

"Yes, way," Sam said. He then put the badge back into his jacket pocket and pulled out a tiny laptop. He settled it on the toilet bowl and turned it on, "Ever since the Roswell incident, we've bene kept hidden from the public eye – covering up all existence of aliens,"

"Covering it up? Why?" Dib asked.

"Do you know what kind of chaos it would cause if aliens were discovered to be _real_, Dib?" Sam said to him, "Human beings simply are not ready to grasp the idea. Not yet anyway. Until that time, we keep them hidden. That's why every time you try to prove the existence of aliens, our department squashes it as soon as possible. Sorry for that kid. But right now, we _need_ your help!"

"What do you need for me to do?" Dib asked.

"We have been watching an alien that has arrived in this city," Sam explained, "He wasn't a threat until we discovered what type he was. Irken. The Irken race is vast and ready to conquer and having a serious agent on this planet can surely dictate their impending invasion and their technology is no match for Earth. I'm sure you can identify this alien,"

A picture of Zim popped up onto the laptop screen.

"That's him!" Dib said, "His name is Zim and-"

"We know," Sam said, "and we also know that he is a large threat to the safety of the human race. His presence here can only mean that the Irken race intends to invade our soil and we must prevent that at all costs. I have already dispathed two field agents for the job to aid you in any way,"

Dib's eyes widened, "You mean Lin and Rin?"

Sam nodded, "Agents LIN and RIN are specially trained for this kind of undercover mission and they'll be helping you,"

"But what can I do if they're already there?" Dib asked, "I've done my best to thwart his plans but–"

"And a superior job you have done, soldier!" Sam said to Dib as he turned off the laptop and faced him, "And you're our inside man on this threat. You know him better than anyone else and with my help we can take him _down_! What do you say, kid? Will you join the fight for humanity?"

Dib nodded, "_Yes_! I've been waiting for this day ever since I was born!"

"Then keep this," Sam said as he tossed a clip on earring to Dib. It was a large crystal pendant, "It's a communicator and a teleporter. I'll contact you when I need you,"

Dib looked at it, "Thanks…but why an earring?"

"Because the Bureae of Demon Detectives has wrist watch commincators patented," Sam said as he left the stall.

Dib was practically bubbling over with excitement.

* * *

It was after gym class in the girl's locker room. Most of the girl's had left by this time but Lin and Rin were still changing their clothes. Tak and Gaz were present. Tak sat nearby the lockers as Gaz went over to the twins and started to talk to them. While Gaz kept them distracted, Tak rushed over to the sink in the locker room and started to get to work.

'_All according to the plan,' _Tak thought.

Tak's Pak opened up and presented her with a break filled with a powder chloride and sodium mix from chemsitry. With aid of her metal spider legs from her Pak, she manadged to pour some water into the flask and the stuff some paper towels down it and it began to smoke. Tak shook it up and closing her eyes, tossed the flask in Lin and Rin's general direction.

Lin and Rin screamed as smoke and heat rose up in the room. Gaz covered her mouth and ducked down towards the ground since she knew the smoke would rise up. She craweld around the floor and looked around through the smoke.

'_Irkens cannot see in the smoke, so you must tell me what you see,' _Tak had said to her before.

The fire alarm went off and water sprayed everywhere.

'When the smoke rises, look at Lin and Rin and tlel me what you saw later at my base,' 

Gaz looked up towards where Lin and Rin were standing and it took all her will power to not scream in horror.

Lin and Rin's skin appeared to be melting – like wax to a flame. Their skin dripped onto the ground in peachy vannilla waxy puddles. Gaz moved away from thw twins, her eyes wide in horror.

"What…" Gaz gasped, barely above a whisper, "…what the hell _are_ you?"

Lin and Rin let out groans as their melted skin dripped from their bodies. Tak sat up in the rising smoke and looked towards the horrified Gaz.

"…our…skin…" Lin gurgled.

"…vat has happened…?" Rin gurgled.

The smoke soon cleared away. As soon as the smoke was gone, Lin and Rin's skin stopped dripping and melting and slowly turned solid once again.

"Vere did that funny girl go?" Lin asked Rin.

"I do not know, sister," Rin said to Lin.

Rin and Lin the left the girl's locker room. Gaz and Tak remained hidden behind the lockers until they had left. Gaz's heart was pounding from the whole thing but Tak had covered her moutht o keep her from screaming.

"You can talk now," Tak said to Gaz, uncovering her mouth.

"What the hell was _that_ all about?" Gaz said to Tak.

"A lot," Tak answered, as she stood up, "There's more to those girls that meets the eye,"

* * *

That night, Dib finished talking on the phone and then marched into the living room and proudly announced for all to hear in the family room.

"What now?" Gaz asked.

"Have you decided to take up real science, son?" Professor Membrane asked.

"Nope!" Dib said. He had an ear to ear grin, "I'm going on a date with Gretchen!"

Gaz was fairly surprised at this, "Really? And all this time I thought you were gay or something,"

"Yep!" Dib said, smiling, "An official date with Gret–wait, what do you mean by 'gay'?"

* * *

_And thus ends the fourth installment. Why did Lin and Rin's skin melt off? Why does Zim pester Tak so? Is Gretchen really that atractive? Does any of this make any damn sense? No, not really. – Zerosoul _


	5. when girls attack

_There are several references to "The Graduate" in this fic. See if you can find them all!. – ZeroSoul_

* * *

**junir hi skool; five – "whengirls attack" **

"So _that's_ what really happened?" Gaz asked Tak.

Tak nodded, "Yep. That is the truth of the matter,"

Gaz and Tak sat on the steps in back of the school building. They had started to actually talk to each other ever since the events in the girl's locker room yesterday. They both had a free period during the time and decided to just take the spare time to lay back and talk about different things.

"So, how did the rumors get started if you never told anyone about it?" Gaz asked.

"Zim, of course," Tak said, "He goes bragging about every single detail in his life to the massesand since his skewed vision on what happened made things a little worse,"

Gaz paused,"So,do you two still…"

"No, not really," Tak answered, "The only reason why it happened in the first place was because we thought we were going to die and it was sort of a 'last hurrah' thing that happened. You know. Ever get that feeling that you might as well do what you want because tomorrow you would be dead?"

"Once," Gaz answered.

"It's really a horrible feeling...and it makes you do crazy things," Tak said.

"So why is he so…?" Gaz asked.

Tak shrugged, "I don't really know the answer to that question. Maybe he feels what happened meant something. You have to understand, Gaz, Irkens are mass produced for the military on our planet. We don't _have_ your so called mothers or fathers or family really. It's _rare_ that someone even cares for you, let alone _acknowledges_ your existence,"

A silence passed between the two girls.

"So..how did it feel?" Gaz asked.

"It hurt," Tak flatly replied.

"So you're mad at him for that?" Gaz asked.

"I can't blame him because he didn't know how to be gentle," Tak answered, "We didn't really know what we were doing and we ended up hurting each other in some way," She shrugged. "Different strokes," She then realized something. "Where's Dib?"

"He's a lovesick puppy," Gaz answered.

Gaz gestured towards Dib, who appeared to be doing some sort of dance with a large smile on his face.

"_And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson,Jesus loves you more than you will know. God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson.Heaven holds a place for those who pray,"_ Dib sang.

"Sick indeed," Tak commented.

* * *

"Now, son, it's about time you learn the truth about women," said Professor Membrane to Dib. 

Dib sat in the chair across from his father, "Don't you think it would be more helpful if you told me this when I hit puberty?"

"Now, now, son. Everybody knows that young hormone filled men don't need to learn about women. They need to learn about masturbation!" Professor Membrane answered.

"…what?" Dib asked.

"The truth about women son is that they're really vicious science experiments gone awry that have come to plague mankind until the final day we figure out a way to destroy them," Professor Membrane said.

"…huh?" Dib asked.

"And so the moral of this story is to never bring your date to a stripping bar, or sleep with her mother. Do you understand?"

Dib blinked.

"Dad…I never really asked you this before because I wasn't really sure until now," Dib began, "But are you on pot or something like that?"

"Oh, son! Everybody was doing drugs during the sixties! That's why the country is so screwed right about now!" Professor Membrane answered.

An awkward silence went between Dib and his father.

"…I think I'm going to go up to my room and pretend this conversation never happened," Dib quietly said and left the room.

Dib then went up to his room and decided to get ready to go over Gretchen's house (he had previously made the decision that she wouldn't meet his freakshow of a family). Still, he couldn't help but feel excited. At the end of middle school, he was voted "Most likely to go to prom with a blender" in the yearbook.

_'Heh! Look who's laughing now!' _Dib thought as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, _'I'm probably the first one from the class who actually went on a date!' _

"Dib! You've been in the bathroom for at least an hour! If you don't get out of there, I'm breaking donw the fucking door!" Gaz yelled.

"Alright, alright…" Dib said as he got out of the bathroom. He gave a smile to Gaz, "Jealous, Gaz?"

"Jealous that you're going out with a bucktoothed weasel of a chick? Not really," Gaz said.

"Gretchen is _not_ a bucktoothed weasel!" Dib protested.

"Whatever, but you two are going to have really ugly children," Gaz said.

"_SHUT UP!"_ Dib yelled.

* * *

Gretchen's house was tall – almost mansion sized compared to Dib's house. There was a huge iron gate wrapped around the property. With a nervous gulp, Dib walked up to the intercom in front of the gate and pressed it. 

"_What hell is it?"_ yelled a man through the intercom.

"…um…my name is…Dib…and…" Dib began, "…and I'm here to take Gretchen out…"

"_Are you now?" _said the man. There was a pause before the man said, _"Jinkins, will you please release the hounds on this young man?"_

"What? No, _wait_!" Dib began.

The sound of vicious dogs barking filled the air. Dib – who was used to being chased by dogs at this point in his life – got ready to run as the gate opened. He could see several drooling mutts headed his way.

"_Daddy, wait! That's my date you're about to mutilate!" _Gretchen said over the intercom.

"So?" 

"_Daddy, you promised you wouldn't kill him!" _

"_Oh, okay, princess. Jinkins, call back the hounds,"_

A sharp whistle went through the air and the hounds stopped in their tracks and returned back to the house. Dib let out a sigh of relief and went through the gates as soon as they opened. He had to hike up a large hill to get to the door, so by the time he got there, he was almost out of breath. Clutching his chest, he wrang the doorbell. The polished wooden door opened and a butler looked down at Dib, his nose naturally in the air.

"Is – _wheeze_ – Gretchen – _pant_ – home?" Dib asked.

The butler took one look at Dib and then sighed, "Miss Gretchen, your poor white trash is here,"

"Jinkins, his name is Dib!" Gretchen said.

Dib looked up to see Gretchen come down a spiral staircase. He got one good look at her and felt his jaw drop. Gretchen wore a short magenta dress, decorated with sparkles and the like. Her hair was curled and she smiled at Dib – showing off all her braces in their metallic beauty.

"Hi, Dib," Gretchen said as she walked over to him, "Did you have any trouble finding the house?"

"No…not at all…" Dib said, his eyes feeling more locked onto Gretchen's figure in the dress than her face.

"Gretchen, is this the crazy boy you're dating?" said a man. Dib gulped as he saw a large man enter in the front hallway. He was built almost like a tank and resembled a brick – brick head, brick body, solid brick muscles. He had short, stiff, grey hair. He wore a green uniform decorated with medals and such.

'_He must have been in the army or something…' _Dib thought and felt himself start to sweat.

"Dib, I'd like you to meet my father, Lieutenant John Breakum," Gretchen said with a smile.

"…nice to meet you sir…" Dib said in a very small voice and held out his hand.

Lieutenant John Breakum gripped Dib's hand and came close to almost breaking the bones. Dib let out a tiny squeal of pain.

"Gretchen, this boy appears to be a weenie. Are you sure you want to date him?" Lieutenant John Breakum said to Gretchen.

"Oh, Daddy! Stop teasing!" Gretchen said as she kissed her father on the cheek.

Lieutenant John Breakum let go of Dib's now throbbing hand. Dib looked at the hand with a whimper of pain.

"I want her back home by ten! Do you hear me? _Ten_!" Lieutenant John Breakum growled.

"Goodbye, Mr. Breakum," Dib said, still rubbing his hand.

As soon as Gretchen and Dib left the house, they began to talk.

"Is your father always so…?" Dib began.

"Mean? Oh, that's just from his army days," Gretchen said, "Well, to tell you the truth, he hasn't always been in the army. He actually owns a business,"

"In what?" Dib asked.

"Plastics," Gretchen answered, "So what does your father do for a living?"

"He's a scientist," Dib said, "So…where do you want to go tonight?"

Gretchen smiled at him, "Where can we go?"

"Well, let's see – we're both teenagers, we both have very little money, and we have no way of driving so, we need somewhere cheap and convenient…"

The decision was made to carry on the date at Crazy Taco. Dib chomped down into a taco while Gretchen ate from taco salad.

"Do you remember that day the lice queen took over the school?" Gretchen asked Dib.

"Do I ever! I remember how she couldn't even break your braces 'cause they were so strong!" Dib said, laughing.

"I really missour skool days," Gretchen said.

"I don't. I had no friends and everybody hated me," Dib growled.

Gretchen reached her hand across the table and touched Dib's hand, "Not _everybody_,"

Dib gave her an awkward smile, "Yeah, no everybody. There was you. You know, I didn't even notice that day you gave me all that meat. I was so crazy back then…"

Gretchen cocked her head at him, "Does this mean you don't believe in aliens anymore?"

Dib snorted, "Of course I believe! But after ten years of being atomic wedgied, I've decided to kind of keep my beliefs to myself, if you know what I mean. I still plan on becoming a paranormal investigator…next to being a biologist,"

"A biologist?"

"Yeah. You see, the whole reason why I wanted to be a paranormal investigator was because I wanted to _help_ people, but most people don't want me help. Hell, most of the people I've been trying to help think I'm crazy. So, I've decided that if I can't help them that way, I can always discover some new medicine or something, or maybe a cure for cancer. Something like that,"

Gretchen smiled at him, "That's wonderful, Dib!"

Dib gave her another awkward smile, "You know, it's great having someone else to talk to besides my sister all the time, Gretchen. What do you plan on being?"

Gretchen looked down, "Oh…I can't say it. It's too embarassing…"

"It can't be any worse than my idea,"

Gretchen blushed, "I want to be an actress…"

"That's great,"

"People always look over me and I barely stay in their memories. That's why I want to become an actress when I get out of college. I want people to really notice me,"

Dib couldn't hep but smile at the idea of Gretchen eventually being up on the silver screen. They continued on talking about different things and eventually when it started to head around ten o' clock, they walked home together.

"It must be really nice to be an only child," Dib said.

"Not really," Gretchen answered, "It's pretty lonely at times. You're lucky to have someone to talk to. All I have is the hounds and Jinkins,"

Dib groaned, "Lucky nothing! My sister hates me!"

"Why? Is it something you did?" Gretchen asked.

"I don't know! It just seems that ever since day one she's hated me and I really don't know why!"

"Is it because of favorites?"

"Favorites?"

"You know. Your father and your mother. Like, you being your father's favorite or your mother's favorite…"

This statement made Dib wonder for a moment about his mother. For as long as he could remember, he didn't have a clear memory of her. He couldn't even remember her voice. He always knew his father was there but his mother was a complete blank. He remembered how angry Gaz got at him when he mentioned their mother and wondered if Gaz had a better memory of her than he did, but after that whole close-to-choking experience, he was afraid to ask her about the seemingly tender subject.

The two teenagers arrived outside of the gate at Gretchen's house.

"Well, see you at school Monday," Dib said.

"I'll see you too," Gretchen said, smiling.

She then stood up on her heels and planted a kiss on his cheek. Dib blushed and Gretchen waved good-bye to him and went back towards her house, bubbling over with excitement while Dib was left outside and alone in the cold.

'_I'm tired. My feet hurt. It's cold. I think those tacos because I feel nauseated all of a sudden…and yet…' _Dib thought.

And yet Dib didn't mind all these things, because of Gretchen's kiss.

* * *

_Ah, teen romance. Doesn't it make you go "ick"? – ZeroSoul _


	6. one night at tak's

_'The Graduate' references from chapter five: 1. Dib and Mrs. Robinson song 2. Professor Membrane and sleeping with mother and strip bar 3. Lieutenant John Breakum and plastics – ZeroSoul_

* * *

**junir hi skool; six – "one night at tak's" **

No one at the skool knew – or cared – about Dib and Gretchen going out, but all the signs were there. The hand holding, the eyelashes batting from Gretchen, the knowing smiles from Dib, and those quiet moments alone when the two of them would just look at each other dreamily. They often sat together and ate lunch.

"_Sickening_, isn't it?" Gaz said to Tak as she glanced over to Dib and Gretchen, who were busy conversing with each other.

"I find your human concept of _affection_ confusing," was Tak's reply. She was neutral on Dib or his relationship with beaver tooth. The only thing she could actually feel some sort of gratitude towards lately was the fact that Lin and Rin had taken up all of Zim's time and often prevented him from pestering her.

"I barely understand it myself," Gaz chortled. She stared at her food for lunch – it was ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard mixed together and declared "soup" by the lunch ladies. She pushed it away distastefully, "I think I'll go hungry for today," She then looked at Tak. "You really never eat, do you?"

Tak paused, "…since my horrid change, I've required sustenance,"

Gaz groaned – she had had more interesting conversations with imaginary friends. Nearby, Dib and Gretchen were talking.

"Really? A real agent from the FBI?" Gretchen said to Dib as he told her about Agent Sam.

Dib nodded with a smile, "Yeah. He wants me to help them,"

"Dib, my father is part of the army, and he's heard about the Bureau of Alien Detectives – we have the files about it in our house – but I've never seem anything mentioned about this agent." Gretchen said to him, "Are you sure he's the real thing?"

Dib made a face, "Of course I'm sure! He showed me his badge and everything!"

"…okay, Dib,"

But even as Dib went on talking, there was something very strange concerning her, no matter how much he assured her, but she continued on smiling and laughing.

* * *

'_Now, young lady, you can't expect to go out in that,' _said Professor Membrane. He was busy working at the lab that night, so he decided to still let his presence be known by using his flying television screen thingies (or so Gaz and Dib believed they were called). 

"I'm wearing the same crap you buy me every year!" said Gaz, "And I'm going over a friend's house."

"You don't _have_ any friends." Dib said. He was busy watching _Mysterious Mysteries _on TV while simultaneously talking to Gretchen over the telephone. He then turned back to his conversation to Gretchen, "What? No, not you, Gretch. Just my sister,"

"Shows how much _you_ know," Gaz said as she yanked out the phone receiver.

"HEY!" Dib yelled. He rushed to reconnect the cord.

'_You're still not going out in that outfit,' _said Professor Membrane. Then he went over to Dib, _'And when are you going to grow out? You're starting to look like a boring science nerd!' _

"I _am_ a boring science nerd." Dib replied and switched off the machine. He looked at Gaz, "Where _are_ you going?"

"_Out_." Gaz answered.

"That doesn't answer my question," Dib said.

"Take your question and _shove_ _it_." Gaz answered.

Dib gave his sister the finger as she left. He decided to redial Gretchen when he felt his earring gave a little jingle.

_(Agent Dib,)_ called the earring. It was Sam,_ (Agent Dib, I am within proximity of your residence. There is something I wish to show you,) _

The smile Dib had could barely fit on his face, "Awesome! I'll be there in ten minutes!"

_(I will permit you five,) _Sam replied.

Dib grabbed his coat and was out the door. He looked to see a Poop Cola truck pulled up nearby with Sam inside at the driver's wheel. Dib rushed over and opened the passenger's door.

"Agent Dib, reporting for duty!" Dib said, saluting.

"Get in," said Sam. Dib hopped inside. Sam stepped on the gas and the truck jolted to life.

"Where are we heading?" asked Dib.

"If you're going to be part of this operation, you need to see a few things first," said Sam.

"So this an entry exam?" asked Dib.

"Of sorts," answered Sam.

"Awesomeness!" said Dib.

"Indeed."

* * *

Gaz stood inside the storage-room amongst large crates colorfully labeled 'Deelishus Weenies' of various flavors and types. Tak was standing on top of a box mountain, looking down at her. 

Gaz looked around and looked towards Tak, "Nice room,"

"This is my _workshop_ – not some _human_ _bedroom_," answered Tak, "Thanks to your endeavors from my plan to turn this _planet_ into a _snack_-_bag_, part of my base is still heavily _damaged_ but I've been able to make some repairs to it. Right now, this is the only functioning room."

"What is with you guys and conquering the planet?" asked Gaz, "I mean _Zim_ wants it, _you_ want it, I suppose your whole _race_ wants it,"

"Not true," said Tak, "we just feel the need _to rule everything with an iron fist!_" She laughed evilly for a minuet and then coughed, "_Now_, I called you here to talk more about Lin and Rin,"

"I just want to know about their skin and go home." said Gaz.

Tak snapped her fingers, "Mimi!" The SIR-cat jumped down onto a box in front of Gaz. "Run Lin and Rin skin sample diagnostic #01215,"

Mimi's eyes glowed and projected a flat holographic screen in the air. It was an image of several molecules. Gaz stared at the picture.

"And this is…_what_?" asked Gaz.

"This is an up close up of Lin and Rin's skin," said Tak, "This sample melted off of them. Notice anything _familiar_?"

"Uh…_no_," said Gaz.

"Mimi, run B-W sample diagnostic #3478," said Tak.

An identical image popped up next to the close-up of Lin and Rin's skin.

"This is the same thing," said Gaz.

"Similar but different," said Tak, "_This_ is a sample of Earth honeybee wax. Lin and Rin's skin is very similar to this type of wax."

"…so…_what_?"

"Must I spell everything out for you? _They're_. _Wearing_. _A. Disguise!_" She added,"And there is another thing – Mimi, run Lin and Rin scent sample diagnostic #5678,"

The image magnified more on the molecules and focused on one.

"In Lin and Rin's fake-skin is an alien pheromone – a scent – distinctly made to attract male aliens," said Tak.

"So this means three things," Gaz said, "One – Lin and Rin are not human. Two – they're in disguise. Three – they're after guys. Why?"

"Mimi, end diagnostic." said Tak.

The image disappeared and Tak jumped down from the box mountain. She looked Gaz in the eye.

"I don't know." admitted Tak, "That's why I called you here." She folded her arms, "I don't like those girls. They…disturb me for some reason, and I'm sure you feel it too. You're smarter than the rest of these idiots."

Gaz snorted. "You're probably jealous of them."

After hearing this, the look on Tak's face even made Gaz shiver.

"So why are you telling me this?" asked Gaz.

"Like I said – your people are morons!" said Tak, "They wouldn't notice if a swarm of Shloorg beasts descended upon them and devoured their young. Your brother is too fixated on me, so you are the only one I can turn to.

"Normally I would be glad to have this _ugly_ _planet_ and its _moronic_ inhabitants, _destroyed_ in the most _horrible_ way but I can't let that happen while I'm here. My base is too damaged and I'm unable to link to the Irken databases for the proper information but your father is a _scientist_ and despite being _primitive_ your technologies _should_ give me enough edge."

"Give me _one_ good reason why I should help you."

"Because if you _don't_, you may end up spending the rest of your life a slave to aliens."

"It beats the politicians we already have."

"There won't be anymore video games _either_."

At hearing this, Gaz grabbed Tak and rushed out of the base.

* * *

Rain was pouring outside by the time Dib and Sam arrived at their destination. It was an abandoned Poop Cola Crystal factory. Dib looked at the large boarded up building and Sam nonchalantly walked inside, pushing aside one of the large double doors. 

"This factory was abandoned by the company that created it, but all the machinery is still working properly, so I use this as a temporary base," said Sam. The both of them stepped inside of the room as Sam closed the door behind them.

"Seems kind of empty," said Dib.

Sam clapped his hands and the lights turned on. The room was illuminated for Dib to see that it was filled with large tubes dangling from the ceiling. Dib walked over to one tube to see an alien floating in the thick green slime inside.

"What is this?" asked Dib.

"You are looking at the holding cell," answered Sam, "Any aliens I capture in this vicinity are held here at the factory until the government comes by to pick them up and ship them off to the capitol for study,"

"Wow," said Dib, "you guys have been _really_ busy,"

"Yes, but that is not our main focus," said Sam, "Follow me,"

Dib followed Sam into another room. He turned on the lights to see an alien carcass strapped down to the table. It had been cut open; its insides and blood were strewn everywhere but inside of it. Dib suddenly felt nauseous and backed away.

"Something wrong?" asked Sam.

"No…nothing…it's just that…" gagged Dib.

"You've never held an autopsy, I see," said Sam. He stepped over to a wall of sharp and shiny instruments and picked out a thin knife. He showed it to Dib, "Whatever aliens we capture, we dissect. Try to understand their minds, their language, their culture and perhaps even their purpose as to why they came to Earth on the first place,"

"I _know_! I know _that_!" Dib said, "But…" He forced himself to smile, "I've always watched the videos, since I was a kid but seeing the real thing…right here…"

"Perhaps…I underestimated you," said Sam, "Even I hesitated for a while before slicing open the alien and digging out its heart when I performed by first autopsy."

"_No_!" protested Dib, "I'm _ready_! I _swear_! It…it's just…"

Consider it: the chance to finally be rid of your nemesis and save the Earth once and for all and see him cut open and examined just as you imagined when you first glimpsed upon his deformed ugly green head and slimy skin way back in elementary school and yet for some reason you hesitate. Yes, Zim is a pain in the ass but so far all of his attempts to take over the Earth have been foiled or imploded upon itself.

Is he even capable of taking over the Earth?

And Tak.

Tak is a serious threat to the Earth and humans and…

To see her cut open?

"You seem…_conflicted_, Agent Dib." said Sam.

"I…I _am_." admitted Dib, "I mean, when I was a kid, all I wanted in life was to prove aliens existed and dissect them and have autopsy videos named after me. But now that I'm older I'm starting to realize that…that maybe that's not what I really _want_ but on the _other_ hand–"

"Your monologue, which should be thought rather than said aloud, bores me." asked Sam, "Are you with me or against me?"

"I'm with you but…I gotta think about–" decided Dib.

Sam tossed Dib out of the warehouse before he could finish his sentence.

Dib sighed, feeling rain dribble over his body. He stood up, having gotten used to being tossed out of places and into the weather. He popped up his coat collar and walked away.

* * *

"Oh Zimmy you basement is so very big and magnificent!" exclaimed Lin. 

The bottom of the house and the inside of the base was more expansive than they had originally thought. Due to his growth, Zim could no longer fit in the old tunnels or the Voot cruiser, so renovations was in order, causing to become one of his hobbies (along with experimenting on hideous locals).

"Ja, and your little dog is so adorable I just want to squeeze him!" said Rin, picking up Gir and squeezing him as hard as possible.

"Huh…what? I don't have any tacos!" said Zim, who was currently lying on the floor in a stupor.

Rin looked at Zim. She poked him.

"Sister, I think ve have kilt him!" said Rin.

"Nein, he is not dead. He is merely…high…I vink." replied Lin after briefly studying Rin.

"Do you vink it is the…perfume?" suggested Rin.

"Ja, but vat is what it is for. Now come! We have work to do!"

Rin nodded and put down the robot. Lin reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny palm pilot. She pulled out a few wires and attached to Zim's Pak. Rin walked over to a computer counsel and at it.

"Vunderful! I'm passed the security." said Rin. She looked at the screen, "Vis computer hooks up all Irken databases. Ve Leader will be pleased."

"Then the plan shall be undervay." said Lin. She typed into her palm pilot. The Pak let out a shock. Zim murmured something.

"Ve should use the Irken female. She is suspicious of us. I vink she knows." said Rin.

Lin slapped her sister. "Nein! Don't be a fool! Ve Irken female will be dealt with but ve Leader demanded him." She returned to the counsel. "Ve plan must come first."

"But ve the Irken female–" protested Rin. Lin glared at her and she silenced her protests. The two returned to their work, hurrying as they did.

The Irken would only be in a daze for so long.

* * *

The first Dib did when he arrived home was sulk. And it wasn't normal teenaged "my Dad won't buy me the new Playstation" sulking. This was _uber_-sulking. This was "super emo, my life is meaningless, slit my wrists, wear all black, read Slave Labor comics", level of sulking. It wasn't until he heard a noise from downstairs that made him move from his bedroom (slowly, of course) and look downstairs to see Gaz and Tak. 

"_Tak_?" asked Dib.

Tak froze. "Hello…Dib." grumbled Tak, regretting that she had even stepped into the house.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, rushing down the stairs.

"Nothing..." lied Tak.

"Can I get you anything?" asked Dib, "Coffee? Tea? Milk?"

"Don't you have a bucktoothed girlfriend?" said Gaz.

"Your human provisions _disgust_ me." said Tak, "Thanks to it, I'm in this…_wretched_ form."

"_What_?" asked Dib and Gaz.

"I'm not supposed to _be_ this size." said Tak, "If you hadn't noticed, Irkens are rarely so…_tall_. It's _awful_ and thanks to this accursed _tallness_, I can't run my _ship_ or use my base _properly_ because I don't _fit_ anymore! I _hate_ it! I don't know the Tallest _stand_ it!"

"So _how_ did you get so tall?" asked Dib.

"…I'd rather not say. The ordeal was…_ghastly_." said Tak, "Too ghastly for words.."

"_Life_ is unpleasant." said Gaz, sitting down with a smirk, "I want to hear _this_."

Tak groaned and cursed in Irken but sighed.

"Fine." said Tak, "I suppose it's a story that needs telling."

* * *

_DUN! DUN! DUN! Cliffhanger of doom! - ZeroSoul_


End file.
